![]() ![]() These are all real things that happen in this movie, and even with all these elements it’s still somehow cripplingly boring. A painfully white South African man playing a Japanese scientist with the name Hideo Ishiro, who kills sharks with a tanto knife.A daft device that somehow calls down a big blue laser from space into a dormant underwater caldera which erupts, killing a bunch of sharks and causing a mushroom cloud and a tidal wave, while the lead rocket scientist parasails away on a surfboard.A floating science laboratory/ missile silo where science men and science ladies are trying to build a rocket which can be fired at the ozone to reverse the polar ice caps melting.A Mad Max warrior princess lady with an impressively shite ‘Cash Me Ousside’ accent who does a tribal dance with a spear to attract sharks.An army of surprisingly agile sharks, led by one big momma who is psychic or something.Instead, I’ll just list a few of them here: In fact, there is so much total bollocks in this movie, it’s hard to even put it all into context. Oh, and there is something about a rocket and a volcano too. ![]() In addition to this, an army of sharks (which we are told numbers in the thousands, despite never seeing more than ten fins at a time) are hell-bent on chomping the limbs off every struggling actor in sight. In the opening moments of this absolute clusterfuck of nonsense, we are told that 98% of the world is now covered in water, and the survivors of the human race must live on floating shanty-towns in the middle of the ocean-planet. ![]() Waterworld meets Mad Max by way of Jaws in this baffling barrage of bollocks. Starring: Brandon Auret, Stephanie Beran, Lindsay Sullivan ![]()
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